A Fake Moneymaking Scheme

by Mark Hutchenreuther

$$$ NEED EXTRA HOLIDAY MONEY? $$$

$$$ UNIQUE MONEY-MAKING OPPORTUNITY $$$

Are you finding yourself a little short of money as the holidays approach? We have an excellent money-making opportunity for you!

You may have noticed that most toys and many gifts need batteries to operate. And batteries are usually not included. You can get into one of the most profitable seasonal industries in America!

HOLIDAY BATTERY SALES!

We provide you with a comfortable pink bunny costume, a small bass drum, stylish sunglasses, and a backpack filled with all popular battery types. Roller skates are optional, good walking shoes are highly recommended. No beach thongs.

EXCLUSIVE AREAS ARE STILL AVAILABLE!

So, call today! Applicants must be in good health, have dependable transportation, and be able to make change. Deadline for applications is Thanksgiving. Specialized training will be provided. While most sales occur during the holiday season, this is an excellent year-round business opportunity.

HIGH COMMISSIONS!

Everyone needs batteries, but no one likes to go out to buy them. Psychologists have shown that people fear going out for batteries because they may also end up buying gum, magazines, cigarettes, beer and even groceries. Take advantage of this fear! Sell batteries door to door, or blanket to blanket on the beach.

DON'T DELAY, CALL TODAY!

1-(900)-BATTERY

Originally published in the December 1991 issue of Channel M, the newsletter of Channel Islands Mensa.